So, I’m 26 and a half years old. That keeps with me almost all day. I feel like the reminder of my age is probably my best motivation to keeping me productive and moving. I accept my age and see that I would have done more in my time up until now had it not been for the eating disorder and then feeling crippled by life events (my twin and my girlfriend getting together and then my obsession with having/my inability to keep girls as a part of my life) but I accept the hardships that I couldn’t really escape and then my own faults that led me to where I am. The past 5 years have been very hard. I’m proud of myself for hanging in there and coming out as well as I have. I didn’t think I’d turn out as well as I have. I’m very pleased. I’m still sort of a mess in a lot of ways; I need to get in better shape and I certainly need to make more money than I do. Also, I need to fix other parts of my life. Seemingly anyone I like is incapable of feeling the same way about me and then when someone does genuinely likes me I seem entirely unable to take interest in them. Also I’ve become incredibly cynical over the past year and I’m not sure how to change that. Maybe that’s just part of becoming an adult. On the bright side, cynicism seems to stop me from acting like a pretentious ass most of the time. MOST of the time.
On the bright side I’m more serious, interested in and actively involved in my work now than I’ve ever been. Most days I write like I should and I’m happy with the things I’m making. This new screenplay should be completed very soon and it feels good. Somehow finishing this screenplay and sharing it feels like it will be a turning point for me. I’m excited about it.
Let the rest of this year work out for me professionally, creatively, and romantically. Also, I hope I manage to be a good friend to those around me and a generous person. I’ll try to show the strength to be hardworking and diligent. I will do my best to live up to the work I want to make and start being the person I need to become if I want to achieve the life I want.
