Becky and I move in a month and it’s strange preparing for it. I’ve never really felt settled enough either in a place or in a relationship to make a home my own, but its comforting in a lot of ways. In a month when I’m able to sit outside in the morning and write on the table that I ate on every night growing up it will feel worth the effort I’m sure, but I’m still a bit nervous about feeling stationary.
So many of the major people in my life have moved or moved on recently that it’s hard for me to really feel the same about this town, but I still enjoy it here. I spent years building the life that I have here, but so much of that was built around going out, seeing shows and drinking with my friends that being sick for the past four months has really altered (and in some ways ended) a lot of my social life that I had grown so comfortable with. I don’t necessarily mind this in most ways as I’m feeling very good about almost every other aspect of my life and I still have plenty of friends that I love and care about, but it’s a real change not being able to do the basic things that brought me and so many of the people in my life together. Hopefully I’ll be well soon and can go to shows, play tennis, and do normal things again.
I’m trying harder to make things happen for myself right now. I realize that my failure or success is in my hands and that hard work and dedication is the only way that things will work out the way I want them to, but how to manage long term priorities with short term needs is still difficult. I’m sure every artist who hasn’t managed to make ends meet with their work by my age deals with that, but I’m trying my best given that I’m going to be in Athens at least for another year. I love living here and if I could find a way to make a living on making movies here I’d love to make it my home permanently, but at the moment all I think about every day is films I want to make, and most of that can’t be done here. I’m writing a lot and doing as much planning on this one project as I can, but as much work as I do I won’t feel satisfied until the movie is finished and my friends can see it. I’m lucky to know so many hardworking people who bust their asses everyday on the things they care about and have things to show for it (albums, photos, concerts, stores, light shows, etc). I’m trying my best and hopefully soon I’ll have something more than screenplays to show. It’s easy to feel defeated when all you have to show is something that’s written and you work a job that doesn’t treat with any respect and requires no specialization, but thank god I have friends who are so supportive of me. Hopefully soon I’ll have as much to show for my efforts as my friends have.
