Terrrrrmbler

This morning I woke up thinking about what it would have been like if Maggie were my childhood dog. I thought about how without Amy I wouldn’t have Maggie. I thought about Amy and how remarkably glad I am that she’s in my life and that when I look back at the past few years she’s the only constant I had and has been my most reliable friend. I have no idea what my life would be without her. I keep thinking of how she, Stephen and Kimberly made my birthday so nice last year. I felt pretty low at that point and they made me feel so loved and appreciated, it made a tremendous change in me. I hope Amy’s birthday today is as nice and she knows how much we all love her. I’m so happy for her that her life is going as well as it is. She’s one of the greatest souls I’ve ever met and she deserves every moment of it.

Neil has been in town this week and I’ve been preparing for traveling with him. We’ll be spending 2 weeks along the border of Texas and some time in New Mexico. I’m going to fly out to New Orleans on Sunday and meet up with him, he’s leaving for Florida after we have coffee today. In just the year and a half I’ve known him I feel as close to him as I do Blake, Amy, Stephen and Julian. I love him dearly and look forward to traveling with him again more than I can express. He’s one of the most loving and vibrant people I’ve ever met. He’s also lived the funniest life I think anyone possibly could. I’m excited to make the film with him.

Also I’m so glad I’m living with Kimberly. She’s one of the most generous, sincere, funny and loving people I’ve ever met. She feels like such an old pal and I trust her so much it’s sort of shocking to me how quickly we’ve become close. She’s put up with how completely fucking ridiculous my life becomes when Neil shows up and gives me the most sound girl advice when I’ve been geeking out these days. Watching what’s going on between her and Bren also is so nice to see and gives me hope for what I hope to share with someone in the future (hopefully not WAYYY too distant future, hah). It’s rare to find a buddy who makes you feel so good about humanity but she’s so damn motivated and generous it’s really inspiring seeing how much she packs into her day. A real job, her own business, a boyfriend she’s wonderful to and friends she always makes time for. I don’t know how she does it but it makes me feel inspired to try and do a lot everyday.

It’s an interesting time. I’ve changed a lot. I’m a different writer than I used to be, but its the best thing that could have possibly happened. I’ve reverted back to how I felt in highschool in almost every way now, which is good and bad. As a writer I’m more sincere. That’s not to say I was insincere, but I think sometimes I would try and write beyond my ability. I’ve taken off my beret, I hope. I now write what I want to and care about it in the same way I did when I began writing. As a person I’m more peaceful and alive but also that means I get so excited about everything, like having a crush now feels sweet and good like back then but it also means I’m a nervous, sweaty wreck like I used to be. I’m slowwwwwwly getting back in shape again even though all I’ve done since Neil’s shown up is drink beer and grill out… but things are still a lot better than they were 6 months ago with all that. I’m more comfortable with food living in this house and though Kimberly and I rage once a week or so, I’m not drinking like I was when Sarah and I were hanging out earlier this year. Oh and raging with Kimberly is like the best thing ever. Also I’m not depressed like earlier this year either. The thing I’m writing makes me feel alive and like my life has meaning and will continue to mean something so long as I continue working for years and years to come, always stay true to myself and always try my best.

Hey, the day is starting and I love you guys very much.